Edward's Secret
by alexzyishadow
Summary: Ever wonder why Bella dreamed of a son? What if she wasn't wrong, and EJ did exist? The story of what really happened during Renesmee's birth and the secret that the Cullen's kept from Bella. Warning: Tear Jerker and technical character death. Bella and Edward's loose a child in this story. If that disturbs you please don't read. Revision of Edward's Secret.


Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters they are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. That first line is from Breaking Dawn the last sentence of Jacob's part. I don't have the book with me so that's not the exact line, but close enough.

"A changing heart."

Reaching into her womb I confronted what I didn't want to. My son laid there still, quiet and pale. I struggled to hold myself together as I picked up his lifeless body. Despite the blood that soaked him I could see what he looked like and that hurt almost as much as losing him. As much as I didn't want to, I turned away from Bella to take care of my son in the way that I would never be able to do again.

Cradling his soft body I walked into the bathroom, cleaning the blood off of him and revealing even more of him. He looked so much like his mother, but I recognized myself in his soft innocent features. His little mouth was relaxed into a pout, and his mahogany hair was sticking up. He almost looked like he was asleep and I wished more than anything that he was. Looking down at his little face I felt my own contort and began to sob, gasping for unnecessary breath. He was so innocent, how could I have ever hated this tiny creature? My baby, my son was dead. I kept hoping that he would open his or give some sign of life, but I knew he was dead.

I began to hum him a lullaby, a final farewell of sorts. Wrapping him in a blanket I began to walk downstairs. I pretended that I was just singing him to sleep and that was the only thing that held me together. My vision was so blurred with tears, that for the first time in my immortal life I had difficulty walking. Somewhere in the distance I heard Jasper cry out at the intensity of my anguish, no one knew of what had happened, but as I walked down the stairs with my baby in my arms it became clear. Everyone gasped a mix of elation at the child in my arms and anguish, because they thought that Bella had died, but when they saw that the child in my arms didn't move or breath they knew what really happened.

For the first time I looked away from my son and saw that the whole family was there. I walked over to Carlisle and held out my arms. "Please." my voice cracked on that one word. I didn't want to be the one to have to bury my son. I could pretend that he was just asleep, but not if I had to bury him. I couldn't do it, it was selfish, but I couldn't face the reality, I didn't want to face it. Bending down to kiss his forehead one last time, I said in a whisper "Goodbye, EJ"

I could sense that Jasper was trying to soothe some of pain and turned to glare at him. "Stop it!" I deserved to feel all of the pain that I was feeling now. I had wished for my son to die and he had. I was a monster and this was my punishment. I didn't want anyone's comfort and fled up the stairs. I had been sitting at Bella's side and grieving for a day when I heard Rosalie enter the room with Renesmee in her arms.

"I think it's time that you hold your daughter; she's been asking for you." I heard Rosalie say. I turned to look at her. I had been avoiding Renesmee, but she didn't deserve that, it was selfish of me to keep her away, in order to run from my pain. I had already lost one child; I had to make the most of the time that I had with Renesmee."Bring her to me."

Rosalie placed her tiny body in my arms and for the first time since she had been born I looked at my daughter. I had to fight back the sobs; she looked so much like EJ. To distract myself I focused on the ways that she had changed. She had gotten _so_ much bigger. Her hair was longer, her small body had lost some of its fat. She had my Bella's eyes, and that detail was enough to soothe the smallest amount of pain.

She looked up at me with her large eyes and placed her tiny fist on my face and showed me Bella. She was wondering why her mother didn't come to see her.

"Mommy is taking a nap right now, Renesmee, she'll be awake soon." I told her. She asked me why she was sleeping for so long, showing me that she herself only slept for a few hours.

"Mommy's very tired and needs her rest." I responded. Renesmee was a very curious child, and she asked me the one question I wished she hadn't. When would she get to see Bella again. I choose to ignore that question. I couldn't answer it, it could be a long time before Bella got over her newborn stage, and had enough control to see our daughter. I pushed away the thought that I had, once again, taken something from Bella. I would get to see our child, while she fought away the instinct to see our baby as food. The thought disturbed me, so I began to focus on Renesmee, singing her her lullaby to distract her from her previous question.

It worked, but Renesmee just moved on. She showed me an image of a dark space, and I realized that she was showing me a memory from inside the womb. There was something next to her in this memory, I made out the shape of another baby. The full pain came back with and intensity. She was wondering where her brother was. I didn't want to think about what happened, let alone explain it. I told her that her brother had gone to heaven. She wanted to know why and what that was, but I couldn't speak anymore. I was struggling to stay strong for Renesmee, but I was losing the battle, so I called Rose up to take her.

Once she was gone I allowed my front to drop. Grabbing bella's hand I leaned closer to her and cried. I wanted more than anything for this to have never happened, but I couldn't make it that way, at least not for me. I grieved for the loss of my son, and vowed then and there that Bella would never find out about this. I had brought so much pain into her life, I wouldn't add on to it, she doesn't deserve to feel this pain. This would be my secret to hold. I just hoped that Renesmee's memories of her brother would fade, she didn't deserve that pain either. Only I did. I stored the thought in the furthest recess of my mind. I would never forget, I couldn't forget. Instead I would focus on my family, starting with Bella. "Tell her nothing." I said, knowing that they could hear me. It was clear what I was talking about. Not all of them agreed with me, but they would stay silent.

I locked the memory of EJ in my mind and once again focused on Bella; waiting for her to wake up.

**AN****: **I hope that this is better. I know that it's sadder, but that was the point. They had just lost a child, there should be pain. This story answers a lot of questions that I felt the original left unanswered. I'd like to thank an anonymous reviewer, who gave me the perfect idea of what the original was missing. As always all of my stories this month are for the Arts For all Marathon. This is to raise money for scholarships for people that really need it. This is important to me because I am at college on a scholarship of sorts. If you like my work, like the cause or want to learn more about it please visit . All donations are tax deductible and any amount is welcome. If you would like to donate specifically to sponsor me, my artist name is Sharlene Casado Garcia. Please review

Constructive criticism is welcome. Flames are not.


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